So I’m about to share something with you that I’ve never told anyone ever.

I’m probably not alone in this. Many of you probably hid this secret away like a certain magazine under your matress…yes, Car & Driver.

I, Greg Mehochko, used to watch (*gulp*) Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. (I just felt 12-year-old me get a wedgie that rattled the time stream.)

I didn’t watch the following Power Rangers series:

• Mighty Morphin Alien Rangers
• Power Rangers Zeo
• Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie
• I didn’t watch the MMPR movie either, now that I think about it
• Power Rangers Turbo
• Power Rangers in Space (isn’t that Voltron, anyway?)
• Power Rangers Lost Galaxy
• Power Rangers Lightspeed Rescue

I’m already worn out…but let’s continue the list:

• Power Rangers Time Force
• Power Rangers Wild Force
• Power Rangers Speed Force – The Flash Crossover (KIDDING!!!)
• Power Rangers Ninja Storm
• Power Rangers Dino Thunder (how am I only up to 2004???)
• Power Rangers SPD
• Power Rangers Mystic Force
• Power Rangers Operation Overdrive
• Power Rangers Jungle Fury
• Power Rangers RPM
• Power Rangers Samurai and Super Samurai
• Power Rangers Megaforce
• Power Rangers Dino Charge and Dino Super Charge
• Power Rangers Ninja Steel (coming in 2017)

Like I said…I didn’t watch any of that. But as a youngster – I was 11 when the show debuted – I too fell victim to the colorful costumes, the horrible action, the cheap effects, and “five overbearing and over-emotional humans.” Seriously, that’s how Zordon described teenagers to Alpha 5.

But let’s talk about the hear and now. Now we’re on the cusps of a new Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie…a reboot or remake, depending on your perspective. I’m old and set in my ways, so I say that this doesn’t particularly need to happen, again, since there is an ongoing series already on TV. And unlike the DC bashers, I’ve heard no clamoring for the cinematic universe of the Power Rangers tying in to the television universe.

Now I don’t know what you think about “them” (the Hollywood them) bringing back an updated, edgier Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I like the fact that some legitimate Hollywood names have been added, like the recently-announced Bryan Cranston as Zordon and Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa.

This is not the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers I remember, and as I’m learning with many things in life, I – a 34-year-old male – am not in their target demographic.

I hope this movie is good. I hope Ivan Ooze makes an appearance and looks just like Apocalypse from the beloved 1990s X-Men cartoon (Shut up! That’s funny!). I hope this franchise goes on to make a billion dollars.

But unless they introduce a Green Ranger who has a mystical dagger flute that beckons a Dragonzord, I’m not interested.

Holy hell, I just thought how much money I’d pay if that actually were to occur.